“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1
A few years ago at a KGM luncheon, we hosted a small panel of men that fielded various questions from our audience of women. Their answers offered great insights into the way men think, and we all left the wiser for it.
In light of many couples spending a lot more time together because of the pandemic, I thought their insights might be helpful.
When talking:
- Realize the word count thing is a reality! Men speak 7000 words per day while women speak 20,000.
- When he’s in the middle of his workday or trying to wrap up are not the best times to engage him. Choose a time when he’s had a chance to decompress.
- Be aware that men actually have a “nothing box.” If he looks like he is staring off into space, don’t be surprised when you ask “what are you thinking about,” and he responds with the answer of “nothing.” He really means it. He’s thinking about nothing. It’s the nothing box!
Men do not appreciate:
- Being on the receiving end of a critical spirit. It damages the respect they crave from us.
- Instead of offering criticism, think of three things he’s done right or that you’re grateful for. Ponder and thank God for those things – and tell him!
- Avoid blanket statements such as, “You always…” or “You never…” Men hate it. In fact, no one likes to be told that and rarely is it true.
- Correction in public by your wife feels like disrespect.
Men like it when:
- You take interest in their interests – such as hobbies, music, sports etc.
- You compliment him.
- You encourage what they do well instead of what they aren’t as gifted at. Men already know what they don’t do well. We can sometimes unintentionally contribute to them being their own worst enemies with our remarks.
Sex
- It’s important to a man. When a woman deprives her husband, it communicates disrespect, or that she does not love him.
Comments that surprised:
- Most men carry the weight of providing for their family. They worry about their job security and being unable to provide.
- Sometimes men wake up in the middle of the night in fear.
- There’s an unspoken pressure placed on men by society that translates into, “I’ve got to provide; I’ve got to be confident, successful, and competitive.”
- Men have a real fear of failure.
One of the greatest things a wife can do:
- BE SUPPORTIVE and encouraging.
- Love him.
- Tell him “thank you” often.
- Tell him you love being married to him.
- Live within the budget.
When your husband is an unbeliever, the best thing to do:
- Without question, the most effective thing is to pray for him. Do not give up.
- Love and respect him with your words and behavior.
Final words of wisdom:
- Tell him you believe in him. It’s important for a man to know his wife believes in him.
- And as one man on our panel said, “I love and adore my wife. I’d do anything for her. Why? Because of the way she treats me.”
Wise words to live and be married by…
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— Tuesday, February 23rd —
“For I want you to understand what really matters,
so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return.”
Philippians 1:10 NLT
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