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Warning: The message today and tomorrow will require “big girl pants.” It’s a hard message – but it’s a topic that keeps coming up at my events. So here goes:
What do you do when your husband refuses to go to church with you? Perhaps he tells you he’s tired and wants to rest. Or that he doesn’t like the church… Or just plain doesn’t want to go because he’s an unbeliever. What do you do to change his heart and mind? Today and tomorrow, I’ll attempt to tackle these very prevalent issues.
I can quickly tell you what NOT to do:
- Do not NAG him!
Do not berate him if he does not get out of bed.
- Or manipulate him by using your children to ask him to go,
- Or Guilt him into going.
Jesus never guilted anyone into the kingdom. He loved them and almost always, met their physical needs first.
Let me ask you a few questions:
1. Are you allowing him to go to church where he wants to go?
- Or are you going where you want to go because that’s where you’ve “always gone?” It’s where your Mama and Daddy go? It’s where your friends are. It’s where your loyalties are? “It has such a great children’s ministry!?”
Women tend to be very controlling about where they are willing to go to church because if their husband’s are not going to church, the woman typically assumes the role of spiritual leader in the family. (Many women have done this. I have done this. But this is NOT God’s will.)
So be very sensitive to where HE may want to go. My prayer partner from years ago one time told me, “Tara, always follow your leader.” (My leader meaning, my husband.)
2. Are you careful with your plans on Saturday?
- Don’t plan a million things for him to do on Saturday – like making his honey-do list a mile long + a picnic + a kid’s birthday party + dinner with friends – your friends. Friends of whom he does not even care for! (How often do you do that?)
Keep in mind: he’s already had someone telling him what to do all week. Then to have you telling him what to do on Saturday… only sets him up for rebellion! And sadly, it’s the wife that feels the brunt of the rebellion.
- Don’t stay out late on Saturday night. If a man’s worked all week, chances are, he may want a day to sleep in. Ideally, you want to aim for that day to be Saturday.
3. Are you allowing him to do the things he enjoys such as hunting? Fishing? Golfing? Sleeping in?
Ironically, all of the suggestions fall under the category of “respect.” And don’t forget what wives are COMMANDED to do: “wives, respect your husbands.” (Eph.5:33) Husbands, in turn, are commanded to love their wives.
If you want LOVE in terms of the family going to church together – take an inventory and make sure you’re showing respect.
“How To Turn Your Marriage Around in 3 Days” – Nancy Cobb
Audio CD – $5.00
(Available for shipment April 20th 2012)
I am one of those non-church going husbands you refer to; specifically I'm an a atheist. My wife is a Christian which is her right as it is her right to attend church just as it's my right not to. Neither of us pressures the other. We have no conflicts of interest because we do not seek to impose belief obligations on the other.
I disagree with the notion that wives are to respect their husbands while husbands, in turn, are to love their wives. Wives and husbands should love AND respect each other as equals. Man does not have authority over woman even though your holy book says he does. Your holy book is wrong, profoundly so in many of it's scriptures. OT morality is not the word of any god but the social mores of a tribe of misogynistic savages. Even my wife knows this and takes terrible offence when preachers pronounce that wives are to submit to their husbands. If you ever want to get yelled at just tell her such things and prepare to be read the riot act.
Tara this is such great information. I have a horrible tendency to want to "nag" my husband until he becomes the spiritual leader and that just won't work. This blog post will hit home for many.