Are you a wise woman who builds up her home? Or are you unknowingly tearing yours down?

I don’t know of anyone who would intentionally tear down her home… However, unbeknownst to us, we can either BUILD or TEAR DOWN our homes by our words, actions and attitudes.

Whether we like it or not, God has given women special authority to either build her home or tear down her home. Building our homes requires ongoing EFFORT. Below are three keyways we can be home builders, not unintentional home destroyers.

1. Create our homes to be havens.

Our homes should be havens that are peaceful, restful, clean and tidy. They should be places where family is nourished physically, emotionally and spiritually. Family members should instinctively know it’s safe to let down their guard and be themselves. There should be spots and corners in our home that invite them to relax; unwind; to read a book or play a game.

Our homes should also be filled with yummy food everyone likes. We need to realize feeding a family is ministry! (Especially with boys!) Therefore, our menus should be made with intentionality.

If our houses are a mess – we need to clean them. At the very least – tidy them up. No one enjoys living in a mess, though we may tolerate it on weeks that we’re busy. However, keeping our houses tidy needs to be a priority.

Do all of these things take effort? Absolutely.

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27,

2. Harmony in the home depends on us.

Our attitudes – happy or joyful impacts everybody else’s mood in the house. If we choose to be joyful, the people in our home will follow our lead. If we choose grumpiness and a complaining, bitter or angry heart – watch and see what happens.

On another note, a wise friend once told me, “If your husband is continually grumpy, you need to evaluate the love bank.” In other words, when was the last time you lit the candle in the bedroom?

Keeping the home fires burning is a big way of building strong connection with our husbands. This connection helps build harmony. A harmony that permeates throughout the entire house.

3. Women are the heart of the home.

We must understand that the big and small decisions we make will impact our husbands and children.

For example, if we overbook our personal calendars, our families will FEEL it. A lack of harmony can easily result if we’re not careful about what we say yes and no to.

Equally, if our children’s calendar is overloaded with sports and extracurricular activities – this too impacts the harmony in the home. Everyone is always in a rush without meaningful connectedness as a family. Guard your family time. Make a point to enjoy meals together.

On the flip side, having children that sit around the house eating and playing video games, all day isn’t healthy either. This can lead to idleness and laziness, either of which can be destructive.

Therefore, a wise home builder finds balance between too much and not enough.

I’ve been doing this for 30 years and it’s not always easy. Building our homes takes effort. Intentionality. Sometimes my bad attitude can get the best of me. However, the woman in Proverbs 31 is a beautiful example:

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.

She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

Her children stand and bless her.

Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31:26-29 (Emphasis mine)

---

Jump Start Your Marriage in a Week: The 7 Day Challenge

LEARN MORE

---

APRIL 5, 2025

9AM – 3PM

Providence Church | Raleigh, NC

---