Matthew 5:16,
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Listening is hard.

All too often, though I may be physically present in a conversation, my mind can be a million miles away thinking about the grocery list or my upcoming plans.  We’ve all left those conversations feeling like the other person didn’t “hear” anything we’ve said.  It’s irritating.  And sometimes it’s hurtful. 

Listening is not passive.  It’s active work!   Becoming a good listener is a beautiful way to be salt and light in a dark world.  It’s also a way to communicate genuine care and interest in the needs of others.  Our witness becomes more relevant, inviting and winsome when we listen well.  As a Christ follower, listening matters!

Below are eight applications to help us become better listeners.

1. Be present.  Engage in the now.  Quiet the noise in your head pushing aside distracting thoughts.
2. Listen in entirety before formulating your response.  All too often, we’re buys planning the perfect response in our heads and miss important details the other person is sharing. Mentally press the pause button, giving the person your full attention to finish their thoughts.
3. Let go of the need to agree or disagree.  This principle can be a hard one.  Allow the other person room to express his or herself without fear of judgment.
4. Avoid interrupting.  Interrupting is so rude, yet it’s so easy to do.   When tempted, quiet tell yourself not to or quickly jot your thought down as not to lose it and then continue listening.
5. Avoid clichés or “pat” answers.   Such phrases can be a telltale sign as to whether someone is actively listening…  While there’s certainly a time and place to share Scripture, use discretion.    When someone has just poured out his or her heart, it may not be the best time to whip out your trusty, “God will work all things for good” Scripture.   Instead, tenderly acknowledge a person’s hurt feelings or tough situation.  Genuinely listen with your eyes and ears.   When led by the Spirit, offer the Scripture He brings to mind.  Often it might be a passage from a recent quiet time and is just what the other person needs.
6. Give the person your full attention.   Full eye contact.  Device down and preferably not in sight.
7. It’s okay to not respond.   It’s okay to say, “I don’t even know what to say to that.”   In the book Remember Who You Are, Paula Brown Stafford and Lisa T. Grimes* share that “sometimes silence is truly golden.  To focus more on listening than on speaking.”   
8. Listen to understand.   When listening is motivated by a desire to understand, you hear the other person and can possibly ask thought provoking questions he or she had not previously considered.

Listening is an art.  I wish I could say that I have it all figured out.   The truth is, I don’t.  I’m working on it.    But I do know, becoming a good listener is a wonderful way to shine Jesus’ light in a very dark world.

*Paula Brown Stafford and Lisa T. Grimes, Remember Who You Are, (p56) New York, Morgan James Publishing, 2018

Mom’s Parenting Summer Survival Workshop!

Thursday, June 14th | For Moms of K-12th Grade

Focus on building an even stronger relationship with your child/ teenager this summer!