Last week, one of you sent a note asking about marriage and parenting. It was a great question and before I just shot off my immediate thoughts – I wanted to take some time to pray through it.
The question:
How do you handle conflicts concerning children – especially teenage children. Often the mother is the primary care-giver and nurturer – we often have a difficult time coming to the same conclusion.
Now, let me give you some Scriptures to back up the answer:
Colossians 3:2
Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.
Colossians 3:18
Wives submit to your husbands. (There it is again!)
Romans 15:5
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves…
First of all KNOW with great certainty, your husband has your child’s best interest in mind. He’s her dad! Also KNOW, that if he is a born-again believer – than the same Spirit of God living inside of you – also lives inside of him. (I happen to know the gal who the submitted the question – she is a believer.)
Based on Scripture, the first thing I would encourage you to do is to pray. And pray some more.
However, don’t pray that God will change your husband’s mind. Pray that both of you will have the mind of Christ in that particular situation. That if he’s off or if you are off – that the Lord would reveal that to you. Now keep in mind, if you pray this – you have to humbly open yourself to God’s thoughts. You must release “having to be right.”
Other ways to pray:
Pray that He’ll give you and your husband a spirit of unity in your parenting.
Pray that God will help you to see the situation from your husband’s perspective.
Pray that as God gives you His thoughts, that you’d be willing to submit to His thoughts and then to your husband.
When I disagree with my husband, one of the thoughts I have is: Am I willing to die on this hill? Meaning – is my way TRULY the only way? (By the way, you can’t die on every hill. If you have to have your way all the time, your husband will begin to resent you. Choose your battles wisely.)
If so, wait until you cool off. Pray that God will give you set apart time to discuss the situation without arguing. Listen to his side. Share your side. If your husband is still dogmatic about his way – as unto the Lord – submit to him. GOD WILL HONOR THIS. Make sure you do it with a right heart. This is when you remind yourself that your husband is on your team; that this is his daughter too. And that he loves her as much as you love her. (Remember, men show love differently than we do.)
Also, keep in mind, never undermine your husband’s parenting in front of your children. I firmly believe that we need to present a united front.
As parents, we are leaving a legacy of potentially how our children will live with their spouses and will raise their children. We want to model a healthy marriage based upon the principles found in Scripture. (Because they work!!!!)
If your husband is not “there” yet, God can work with one – you! As you live out HIS principles for marriage – (those principles are not always easy) – yet we are promised great fruit and great reward! (Col. 3:24; John 15:5)
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