Proverbs 29:11
“A fool gives full vent to (her) anger, but a wise (woman) keeps (herself) under control.”
For years – I was that fool. And if I’m not careful… if the right button is pressed… WHAM!
So how do we not become the fool that Proverbs references? How do we not explode when our buttons are pushed and we’re at our limits? Let’s pick up where we left off yesterday:
5. Learn to listen.
Discern what your husband is saying and what he’s not saying. Read between the lines. What are the real concerns? PAUSE… Say an arrow prayer… Listen to his opinions and thoughts. Don’t assume that you are always right – you’re not!
“Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak. and slow to become angry…” James 1:19
6. Do it in love.
Have a goal in any conflict: deeper understanding of each other. Often, I find that I just want to win the point; to have the last word – but then it’s just a game. And our marriages shouldn’t be matches of winner or loser. Take time to begin to understand the other’s view point. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1Peter 4:8
7. Stop Remembering
Do you drag out the past? Do you keep lists of his failures? Choose to close the book and move on! Remember: “love keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Cor. 13:5
8. Control your emotions
People can say very hurtful and destructive things under stress. Recognize those stress times: tired, hungry, sick, sexual needs, job loss, job stress, financial problems. Learn to be sensitive to your spouse so that you can recognize these moments. Choose to be patient and quiet. (By the way, this is a learned skill – it is not automatic.)
9. Learn how to bring an argument to conclusion.
If wrong, we should admit it. Be willing to openly apologize for your part of the blame in the conflict – even if it was minor. God will use your selfless spirit to bring healing to your relationship.
Being the first to say, “sorry”, will often diffuse the whole situation. Death to self brings life into your spouse and marriage. 2 Cor. 4:12
10. Work on your friendship.
Have fun together! Be willing to accept truth from each other. When conflict comes you will have an established friendship to work as your foundation.
Hope these help. Have a great weekend!
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