Who’s the Leader Here Anyway?

2 Corinthians 11:3

“Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

Several of you sent letters last week asking about spiritual leadership in the home. The Bible says that our husbands are to be the spiritual leader of the home, not us. Yet quite often, reality is different. God created the woman to be the heart of the home. And He created man to be the leader.

I know that some of you have husbands that refuse to go to church with you, much less be the spiritual leader of the home. When that happens, what’s a girl to do?

In today’s post, you will see how Nancy Cobb (see yesterday’s post for more details about this sweet woman) answers the question of spiritual leadership in the home. The answer might not be what you want to hear. But you will see from her story that it works. Be inspired.

“In those first years, I thought something was wrong with Ray. His personality was not mine – which I thought seemed perfect. If only he could be more like me… But then after 23 years of marriage, and having been in the organized church for much of my life, I met Christ. As I spent time with Him, in His Word, my thinking and behavior began to change.

Even as a rookie Christian, I knew that I was not to be the spiritual leader of the family. So what I did was privately surrender my control to Jesus and to Ray. I didn’t tell him. I just did it. What does surrender control mean? I resolved to live out God’s principle’s for marriage, which includes submission.

In those early days, Ray said I could go to Bible study, but he never wanted to see me with my notes or have my Bible out where he could see it. I made no comment. This was between the Lord and him. I did what Ray said.

Within a year, Ray joined a Bible study and was divinely placed under the leadership of a very godly man whom he respected.

I asked Ray if he wanted to go to church with me. I had been going alone. He said he would if our son would go as well. I asked our son and he said he’d go if I bought him a sport coat. Right after that we all went as a family. He told me later that he wanted to go to a different church. I don’t think he knew how to articulate it, but he wanted a Bible teaching church – not the church we were currently attended that was rich in ritual, yet lacked real teaching.

Ray would often say no to casual requests and I went along with his directives. For example, one day my dad called. He was going to have elective surgery and asked if I could take care of him in Virginia. Ray said that I couldn’t go that week, but could the next. I told Ray that I wanted to go. His response was that I had just been at a 3 day retreat, and he was lonely. God says in His Word, “It is not good that man should be ALONE. I will make him a helper” (Genesis 2:18).

When I called my dad, he said, “That’s ok dear, I’ll have a neighbor take care of me.” Feeling horrible, I called my sister and asked if she could go. She not only went, but for the first time ever, my dad and sister bonded. If I had dismissed Ray’s request, their relationship would never have had a chance. They would have missed this sweet blessing if I hadn’t honored my husband’s request and submitted to it.

And then disaster struck.

After years and years of serving as president of a company, the business sold and he lost his job. After trying for 7 long months to find a job in our home town, Ray finally called his friend in Omaha, who gave him a very prestigious job. At that time, Ray was so mad at life. All he noticed was himself.

But I did not want to move. I lost my ministry, nearness to my children, close proximity to my Dad, our home, and all my friends. Was this God’s plan for me?

Wait till you see what happened when I cheerfully left Raleigh, dedicating my life to helping my husband regain his joy in living.”