Matthew 12:25,
“Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, ‘every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.’”
The process of blending two families into one is often extremely challenging. As my husband and I began the process of blending our new family of seven people in 1989, we were blind-sided by issues that were new to us. Our attempts to solve them with human reasoning led to failure, hurt feelings, frustration, and disrespect.
Through prayer, God began to expose key areas where our family was divided. Areas where we were fighting each other rather than working together.
There are many symptoms that describe the struggle to blend. Here are a few:
- “You discipline yours and I’ll discipline mine” are common statements.
- You have high grace toward your children, but low grace toward your spouse’s children.
- Two sets of expectations, rules and/ or discipline exist in your new home because you and your spouse cannot come to agreement on one set of rules and discipline.
- Your one-on-one time with children is only spent with your biological children.
- You and your spouse have separate checkbooks.
- A former spouse is allowed to interfere with your new marriage and family.
Notice how many of these involve the children…
When we began to address the divisions in our family by applying principles found in God’s Word, our family began to blend. All families can blend. But it takes commitment, love, grace, sacrifice, a willingness to change, and time.
Here are some suggestions that will give hope to blended families.
Your family will blend:
- When you start believing that it can. If you think it will not, it will not.
- When you realize that God is a good God, and is on your side. After all, He wrote “the book” on relationships (The Holy Bible).
- When you highly respect your spouse, stand up for your spouse, and “demand” that your children treat your spouse with respect. You are two working to become one. Relentlessly pursue becoming one.
- When the stepparent chooses to love the children as his or her own. When a man or woman marries a person with a child, they are marrying that child too.
- When you seek to understand the potential pain in the hearts of the children in your home, and give them your compassion and consideration,
- When you avoid using the prefix, “step-”. Using this term puts people in a lower category than their biological parent, child or sibling.
- When you begin to build a sincere loving relationship with your stepchildren by consistently spending one-on-one time with them.
- When you do not try to discipline your stepchildren until you love them as your own. (Hebrews 12:6) Trying to discipline without love will only lead to resentment and disrespect, which in turn leads to more chaos in the home.
- When you stop allowing the children’s other biological parent to control or manipulate what goes on in your home. Defend your family against outside interference.
- When you do not give up trying.
For more solutions to blending a family,
join Paige and her husband Moe Saturday, November 11th!
Workshop for singles and couples
Early Registration Ends: Tuesday, October 31st
Registration Includes: Breakfast, the book, God Breathes on Blended Families and Childcare.
If you need childcare, please let us know when you register
Luncheon, Friday, November 10th
Do you experience family drama during the Holidays?
Holidazed, Managing the Stress of Family Dynamics
Speaker: Paige Becnel
