Discipline without Love…

Not too long ago, I watched a single mom, whom I love and respect, with her teenage kids. They adore their mother. They always have. But when the subject of their father came up – it was a different story.

Now please don’t get me wrong, this is not an exercise in criticism. If we learning from others, we can learn what to do and what not to do.

One of the things I observed was a lack of respect for their father. (Now this lesson could be for a mother as well.) Not in terms of talking back or disobedience. But in not valuing his opinion; emotionally detached; spending time with this Dad is a chore and a duty. Certainly not something they enjoy doing. They would much rather spend time with their mother. I even got the feeling that if they never visited their father – it would be okay. The whole situation was very sad to me.

Keep in mind, this Dad, is a great Dad. He’s seems to enjoy being with his boys. He genuinely wants the best for them. He spends tons of money to keep them in private school. He’s bought them cars so they get from place to place. He makes sure they are in church every Sunday morning when they are with him. He lives in a great house – in a great neighborhood. These boys are amply provided for. But something has gone amiss. Something vital is missing from this relationship.

So I asked the Lord, “what’s happened here? What’s happened in this relationship?”

And as He often does, over the next few days, His thoughts began to drop into my heart. I began to discern that this crumbling relationship is due to a lack of love. Discipline with little to no love causes exasperation; embitterment and discouragement.

I began to wonder when the last time these boys were hugged by their Dad? Told they were loved? Felt truly listened to by their Dad? Or if their dreams were accepted even though they differed from their Dad’s dreams for them? Did they even feel they could share their dreams with their Dad?

On the flip side, their Mom has established a strong love relationship with these kids. They know they are loved and accepted by her – even when their dreams do not fit in the box of what she wants for them.

This was a hard-core lesson for me in discipline AND love. Discipline is a MUST. The Bible says, “God disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son.” (Hebrews 12:6) “That when we are enduring hardship as discipline, that God is treating us as sons.” (v7) Just as God disciplines us, so we must discipline our children as well.

Yet we must remember that we cannot remove the love. Our children must know – MUST KNOW, that even though we are their parents (not their friends), that discipline is a part of life. Discipline must be cloaked in love. If we fail to love, we’ll lose their trust; their respect and eventually, their hearts.

What a lesson for Mom’s as well as for Dad’s. (By the way Mom’s, DO NOT forward this to your husband if he fits in this category. You will probably not get the response you are looking for. Pray for him instead!)

Have a great day!