I can think of no other word in the English language that makes a woman cringe more than the word, submission. (Look no further than the women who came out in droves spewing venomous curses at their repulsion of such people “living like this!” prior and just after the shows airing.
But twenty years ago, I was one of them. So I understand the rage and the anger.
Little did I know, submission would be one of the keys to unlocking joy and peace within my home.
Biblical submission is one of the most misunderstood concepts in the Bible. Yet, once you understand it’s meaning and purpose, I believe you will think far differently.
The next 4 posts will be dedicated to Submission! (Maybe more if God brings any other trains of thought to mind!)
- Today: Submission: Defined and it’s Exceptions
- Submission: Understanding it’s Purpose
- Submission: A Gift
- Submission: Not for the Weak Woman
- Submission: The Power for Change
Submission defined: voluntarily cooperating with another out of love for God and for the other person.”
God would NEVER throw women under the bus by making her inferior or less than or giving her second class citizenship. Submission is not subservience or being a door mat.
Submission is a choice. It is a choice to cooperate with my husband for the greater good of my family. It is a choice to obey God because He says so.
Submission does not mean I never having an opinion in the decisions being made. Biblical submission means having a say, but doing so respectfully (another concept our group will cover in the coming weeks).
Submission means choosing to honor God’s order in the family and to give my husband that place of authority.
Submission is a choice not to pout or manipulate when I don’t get my way.
Submission is a choice to praise my husband’s good decisions and to be gracious when he makes bad decisions.
I’ll be honest: The power to submit in many instances does not come from self-will, but from the overflow of my time with God each day. (More on this in a coming post. But this is a very important concept you need to hear now and often. Truly, THIS is the where the power comes from.)
Submission Examples
If you want to go to the beach on vacation and your husband wants to go to the mountains. Tell him why you want to go the beach. Respectfully tell him your thoughts. However, after listening to you, if he still insists the on mountains – the mountains it is.
And no pouting!
If we insist on our way, however, we sow contentiousness and reap bitterness and division in the home.
A wise man sees his wife’s giftedness in certain areas and defers those responsibility to her.
Just last week while cooking dinner, Tim turned off the burner before the pasta was ready. (My husband is an amazing cook and handles most of the cooking, I hang around to help and for moral support!)
While he was in and out from cooking chicken on the grill, I told him I had turned the pasta back on because it wasn’t ready.
Tim immediately said, “No, turn it back off.”
Me: “Why? It’s still hard.”
Tim: “It’ll be ready and not overcooked by the time I get everything else ready.
I didn’t believe him. Every fiber within me wanted to turn the burner back on. We rarely eat pasta and I LOVE pasta. I wanted to eat GOOD PASTA not hard pasta.
But then I remembered, I had just been on a show 3 days earlier called, Submissive Wives’ Guide to Marriage. I KNEW I had to resist the urge to not have a stand off over PASTA .
So I resisted from turning the burner back on…
In the end, Tim was right. The pasta wasn’t overcooked, but was cooked perfectly!
Glad I passed that submission test:)
Submission Exceptions
There are exceptions to submission. We answer to God first and then to our husbands.
- Adultery
- Abuse
- Worship of other gods
- Asking you to do something immoral or illegal.
If you fall into any of these categories:
- Begin by seeking counsel from God.
- Prayerfully appeal to your husband.
- Seek counsel from a pastor or church leader you can trust…
For our discussions – I will be writing as if YOU DO NOT fall into any of these categories. Again, if you do – I’m begging you – please seek immediate help!
Next Post: Submission: Understanding it’s Purpose
Hi Tara! I'm excited to read your series. I watched the show and I totally tuned in to laugh. But then you ended up speaking so much truth! I was shocked and totally inspired. I thought I was being a submissive wife before, but yikes I saw so much of myself in the other woman that need your help! I've actually watched a few times since just to get re-inspired. I hope TLC decides to show more of what they filmed. I know you're busy but I wrote this post awhile back on submission and idolatry. Even now I still laugh at how silly I was being. But I'm thankful God showed me a better way! So happy to see other women speaking His truth! Totally get it if you don't have time to read it but thought I'd share just in case 🙂 http://hereinislove-glorifyhim.blogspot.com/2012/11/on-submission-and-idolarty.html
I can totally relate to the cooking example. My husband is an awesome cook. I remember earlier in our marriage, he'd try to make suggestions, and I would just get mad. Now, I listen and the food does taster better. I kept thinking it was a control thing, but in reality he was trying to help.